I recently read a brilliant piece in The Good Trade about the trap of “overgiving”—the conditioning women face to pour 200% of their energy, time, and resources into their bosses, kids, friends, and households just to feel valued. The author shared a perfect metaphor: if you try to pour a gallon of water into a regular drinking glass, it spills everywhere, wastes the water, and leaves everyone frustrated.Reading this, I immediately thought about the exact same dynamic I see every day in the financial world. We are conditioned to be the ultimate emotional and financial caretakers, but here is the cold, hard truth: Overgiving in your relationships and your career is the exact same thing as underinvesting in your financial future.
We run around like caffeinated superwomen, anticipating our bosses’ needs, volunteering for the extra project, scrubbing the floors, and making sure the kids have exactly what they want. We pour into everyone else’s cup until our own vessel is completely bone dry.
But as we discuss at the Audacious Summit—we are in our peak earning years. What is the actual ROI of all that overgiving?If your time and human capital are worth $200 or $500 an hour, and you are spending it overgiving at work without equity, or spending three hours doing chores to save fifty bucks, you aren’t just burning out. You are bankrupting your highest-earning asset. If the main engine breaks down, honey, the whole train stops. If your health and energy give out from chronic overgiving, the paycheck stops, and the whole circus shuts down.The author of the article talks about the painful, necessary work of setting boundaries. In the wealth-building world, we call those guardrails.
To stop overgiving, you have to step up and become the ruthless, forensic CFO of your own life. That means putting non-negotiable guardrails around your time, your savings, and your investments. It means stopping the habit of skipping your 401(k) contributions because the kids “need” brand-new clothes, or working 60-hour weeks for a boss who doesn’t pay you in equity.
True responsibility isn’t giving until it hurts. True responsibility is protecting the woman who earns the money, buying back your time, and setting her up for life after the sprint.Stop playing it safe, stop people-pleasing, and stop giving your wealth and energy away to vessels that can’t hold it. Bet on yourself, protect your longevity, and take all that beautiful, giving energy and pour it into assets that will set up your future self financially beautifully!
Need a coach in your corner while you build those guardrails? Hey Jessica™, my AI financial coach, is free for beta testers through January 2027.
And if the overgiving hits hardest with the people you love, that is the whole reason I wrote Don’t Be That Girl: The Modern Guide to Financial Etiquette, on Kindle pre-order now.
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